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| SFReader Forums > Writing > Small Press vs. Big House > Looking for direction Large Pub or Small? | Forum Quick Jump
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Pamela J. Dodd
Neophyte
      
Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 74
| Posted 9/30/2007 9:30 PM (GMT -4) |   | I would check with other authors who are published by the firm you are considering. Many really small publishers have no promotional funds, and unless you are a super salesman, you may have very few sales, which doesn't mean just low royalties, but not reaching that audience you would like to have read your work. Also, any editing provided by small publishers can be questionable, leading to a product which is less than it could have been.
Some of my author friends are thrilled with the chance to be published, and those issues are comparatively unimportant to them. I've struggled with the lack of promotional help from a publisher which derives most of its profit from romance, erotic and otherwise. Even with good reviews, I have had few sales, so I suggest that you decide what you want: a book with your name on it, or an audience for that book.
Pamela J. Dodd
www.pamelajdodd.com
http://pamspages.blogspot.com/ | | Back to Top | | |
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Lyn
Adopt
Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 1366
| Posted 10/2/2007 3:57 PM (GMT -4) | | Okay, honest feedback? I won't bruise you, lol, but if I were to pick up a book with this on the back, I still wouldn't know what it's about...
"Five unwanted infants have been saved from murder." - Is this a pro-life/anti-abortion book?
"Their newfound mother Janet has to hide them in the backwoods of Oklahoma while the FBI search for the man behind multiple mass murders." - So a man is killing infants? And what is a newfound mother? Had she lost them? Oh, and I think most people think of OK as flat treeless prairie, so you might want to particularize your locale to SE OK or the end of the Ozarks or something. No biggy though.
"After years of solitude the family is forced to confront the man who is responsible for creating them." - Creating them? You mean, creating the babies?
"These five unwanted children must use all of their abilities and gifts to rescue their family, fight genetically altered creatures while at the same time neutralize a threat that may take the lives of millions of people." - Oh, so this is spec fic? But are they infants or children or teens now? If infants, how can they rescue their family and fight creatures and neutralize a threat? What's the threat, anyway? Too general for me to get excited about.
"Sacrifices and decisions must be made that will change this family’s future forever." By whom? Turn it from passive to active by identifying a character that the casual browser can get to know right away.
Those are just some personal thoughts. Knowing nothing of your book ahead of time your summary doesn't grab me. It probably is helpful for those who are a little more aware of your project, but I'm thinking from a bookstore browser's point of view. Hope that helps, didn't mean to bruise! 
Lyn, Founder of Residential Aliens
Speculative Fiction from the Seven Stars | | Back to Top | | |
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Daniel Leigh Carter
Stablehand
Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 29
| Posted 10/2/2007 7:29 PM (GMT -4) | | |
"Okay, honest feedback? I won't bruise you, lol, but if I were to pick up a book with this on the back, I still wouldn't know what it's about...">>
Lyn>>
>>
>>
I find that most writers are a bit sensitive about their work but the one's that are successful are those that take criticism as possible ideas and direction. I appreciate you taking the time to read and dissect it like you did. All of your questions are valid one's but let me give you a little of what I have been noticing with my query letters. >>
1. Most agents and publishers don't want to read a long-winded synopsis the first time that they are being contacted. >>
2. On previous queries I have attempted to give more specific information and got almost no one willing to take a further look. (Granted that may be in part to how I wrote the synopsis but I've gotten much more interest with this query letter than any of my previous.)>>
3. If the agent or publisher wants more specifics they will ask me for them.>>
>>
The fact that you asked so many questions about my synopsis tells me that it did what I wanted it to do to some extent, illicit wanting to know more. Maybe I have taken it a bit too far, I will grant you that.>>
>>
To answer your questions.>>
Q: Is this a pro-life/anti-abortion book?>>
A: No. Can it be construed as such, maybe. Five genetically created children that were meant only to be experiments and discarded grow up to be the only one's capable of stopping their creator from killing millions. I can see how Pro-Lifers could use that as an endorsement but that's not what the book is about.>>
>>
Q: So a man is killing infants? >>
A: Yes the antagonist had created the five children and is creating many more for research.>>
>>
Q: What is a newfound mother?>>
A: Perhaps if I used adopted or mother by necessity would be a better way of putting this.>>
>>
Q: Creating them? You mean, creating the babies?
A: Already answered this but yes.>>
>>
Q: Oh, so this is spec fic? But are they infants or children or teens now? >>
A: Again good point but I think the implication is there that the children must not be infants anymore. If you want real specifics they are 9 years old in the bodies of 18 year olds by the end of the book.>>
>>
Q: By whom? (Sacrifices must be made)>>
A: I'm not going to answer on this one. Sorry. On this point I will not budge. This line is the catch phrase of the synopsis and to get more specific gives away a big part of the ending. >>
>>
Again I want to say a huge THANK YOU for taking the time and giving me your feedback. I may take you up on some of these ideas. >>
>>
Sincerely,>>
DLC>>
>>
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Daniel Leigh Carter
Stablehand
Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 29
| Posted 10/3/2007 6:55 PM (GMT -4) | |
Jordan Lapp said...For me, as an editor (or presumably a literary agent), I would be suspicious at the passivity of this synopsis. "Five unwanted infants have been saved from murder. " This passive sentence leads your synopsis off. Perhaps something active might work better? All in all, a fine synopsis, but might help us if you let us know to whom you are targetting this novel. Children? Young Adult? Adult?
It seems that others are in agreement with you about the vague beginning and I would have to agree. To answer your question I was shooting for an audience of young adult to adult. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Always appreciated.
OK For all of you who have graciously taken the time to give your feedback on my synopsis I will lay my heart on the table once again to get your generous input.
Synopsis
Five genetically created infants are rescued from being murdered by their own creator’s hands. Their newfound surrogate mother Janet is forced to hide them in the backwoods of Oklahoma while the FBI search for this madman who is responsible for multiple mass murders.>> After the children have grown the family is forced to confront the man who is responsible for creating them. It is up to these five unwanted children to use all of their abilities and gifts to rescue their family, fight genetically altered creatures while at the same time neutralize a threat that may take the lives of millions of people. Sacrifices and decisions must be made that will change this family’s future forever. | | Back to Top | | |
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Daniel Leigh Carter
Stablehand
Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 29
| Posted 10/3/2007 10:32 PM (GMT -4) | |
Jordan Lapp said...I'm certainly no expert, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. I'm just one guy. The first sentence is still passive : "Five genetically created infants are rescued from being murdered by their own creator’s hands" The second sentence is also passive. The third sentence is also passive. The last sentence is passive. This is a great article explaining about the difference between active voice and passive voice that even old pros might enjoy: http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/active-voice-versus-passive-voice.aspx I ran your query through MS Word with "Check for Style" turned on, and it claimes that 40% of your sentences are passive (though I think it's higher than that). That number should be more like 2%.
I see what you are saying and my synopsis is actually 80% passive according to Microsoft. My first few drafts of the synopsis were aggressive using Janet the mother character as the 'Subject' and I received almost no interested agents or publishers. This was a conscience decision to go the current route. It has elicited (this one was for you Lyn. I had to use it again correctly. At least I hope I did) a lot more interest and replies. This is all subject to preference and perhaps your way would be a better choice for some agents or publishers but ultimately I had to decide which way seemed to be getting me the most interest. Earlier drafts were only 23% passive but again I really think it depends on preference. I could be wrong, I am a fairly new writer.
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Rob Mancebo
Adept
Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 911
| Posted 10/6/2007 7:03 PM (GMT -4) | |
Daniel Leigh Carter said...
This is all subject to preference and perhaps your way would be a better choice for some agents or publishers but ultimately I had to decide which way seemed to be getting me the most interest. Earlier drafts were only 23% passive but again I really think it depends on preference. I could be wrong, I am a fairly new writer.
- As a new writer, listen to what everyone says very carefully, apply logic, see it from all angles . . . then do whatever you want. You'll never please everyone so you should, at least, please yourself.
- That said . . . sorry to muddy the waters further . . . understanding that your blurb is just to 'hook' not to really explain the story. You might want to try something like this:
Although the FBI hid Janet Xxxxx in the backwoods of Oklahoma with five genetically created infants, she knew it was only a matter of time before the madman who created them would track them down.
When he did, five specially gifted children would be thrust into a battle against the genetically-altered beasts of a heartless mass murderer to determine the fate of their small family and millions of innocents throughout the world.
Or something along that line. Less info, more desperation.
Best of luck.
Rob
Adventure-History-Fantasy-Folklore www.geocities.com/robmancebo/
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Daniel Leigh Carter
Stablehand
Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 29
| Posted 10/6/2007 7:52 PM (GMT -4) | | | OK work in progress. I'm trying some new ideas and thoughts thanks to everyone's input. (Seems this thread is turning into a critique session.)
Alternate Synopsis
Saving the lives of five genetically altered infants, Janet hides in the backwoods of her uncle’s ranch from the madman responsible for creating them. The FBI simultaneously is on the trail of this madman who is wanted for mass murders across the country.
Years later the children confront the man who created them after being violently abducted. With the fate of millions of lives in the balance the five children must use their gifts to rescue their family, fight off a genetically altered creature while disarming an attack on New York City. Decisions and sacrifices are made, which change this family’s future forever.
(40% passive. I tried. lol)
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Rob Mancebo
Adept
Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 911
| Posted 10/6/2007 9:16 PM (GMT -4) | |
Daniel Leigh Carter said...
OK work in progress. I'm trying some new ideas and thoughts thanks to everyone's input. (Seems this thread is turning into a critique session.)
(40% passive. I tried. lol)
- Daniel,
- It's different, but is it a hook? Remember, you're just trying to grab folks attention, not tell them about the characters or story--you've got an entire book to do that in, right? By using the right language, you should be able to do that cleanly, neatly, clearly and without ever having to 'list' what's inside.
- Cut away all that isn't critical. Children are critical--hits target audience, warns away too-macho folks. But are *five* children critical? No, you'll explain that in the book.
- Hiding- critical/ 'hiding in backwoods'- ummm . . . may catch another section of readers who like backwoods./ 'Her uncle's ranch?' Not critical, explain it in the book.
- Madman- critical. Hits steriotype resonance. Readers will expect a good villan. (But use it only once).
- FBI on the trail of . . . - Secondary story line. You have about five seconds to catch the browser's attention--don't waste it. If you hook them, they'll read all about it in the book.
- 'Years later the children confront the man who created them after being violently abducted.' He created them after being violently abducted? POW! a question. A slight hesitation and you just lost the attention of your reader.
- Millions of lives in the balance-- good, good there's major drama. 'New York City' . . . ummm. . . I hate to say it, but very few people outside of NY would cry too much if it were to be crushed under the weight of its own ego. Most of the US would just like to see Godzilla stomp on through there. (We'd rocket the bejeebers out of the monster later . . . sorry NY). So you just got a big 'who cares' from all those readers who hate NY. They would care if they read your book though, it would be more personal, but right now they're just looking for something to read.
- 'Decisions and sacrifices are made' this goes without saying. It's drama, right?
- Imagine you're a reader walking by 600 books, you pick up several and read the blurb on the cover. Someone glances at your book, you have six seconds to sell it to them before they move onto another book. This is what they read: Ready--set--go!
Saving the lives of five genetically altered infants, Janet hides in the backwoods of her uncle’s ranch from the madman responsible for creating them. The FBI simultaneously is on the trail of this madman who is wanted for mass murders across the country.Years later the children confront the man who created them after being violently abducted. With the fate of millions of lives in the balance the five children must use their gifts to rescue their family, fight off a genetically altered creature while disarming an attack on New York City. Decisions and sacrifices are made, which change this family’s future forever.
In their other hand is a book that says:
Blood stains the snow on the Russian/German border. Three men race against time to unravel a frozen web of intrigue and trechery that stretches from the cold war back to the chill of Nazi germany.
- Which book would you buy? Which book will they buy?
- Don't tell the story; hook them!
Good hunting, Rob
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