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MichaelEhart
Sage
      
Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 2336
| Posted 6/12/2006 3:38 PM (GMT -5) |   | Gaah Mike, what a wretched pun!
To quote O'Brien "He who would make a pun would pick a pocket."
*wish I had said it* :)
"The View from the Shotglass Floor" T. N. Thomas' TimeFlash, August 2006
"The Death of Number 23" Dark Krypt, coming July 2006
"Servant of the Manthycore" Sword Review, right now!
"Voice of the Spoiler" Better Fiction, right now!
"Dancing with the Elder Gods"-- Thirteen Magazine, October 2005
"It's a Living" Byzarium---November 2005
"An Exorcism Straight, Hold the Elvis" The Sword Review, October 2005
Host, 2005 Nebula Awards Live Chat, sff.net
http://mehart.blogspot.com/ | | Back to Top | | |
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VeeJay
Neophyte
Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 86
| Posted 6/12/2006 4:02 PM (GMT -5) | | Erazmus, dismayed beyond all ability of Reasonable Mentation to decipher, continually egged and jackdawed Happy Winsome Sailor forward, despite the obvious diminution of the wormhole entrance. In addition, the brimming-up irising of the flumingly mysterious and prismatic throat of the Einstein-Rosen bridge had hapless Erazmus in something of a tiff. Perhaps Sailor (a shortened, affectionate name-form for his devoted, colossal reptilian many-taloned helpmeet that's so far rarely disappointed him) was somehow...how else to truly state it?...instinctually entrained to hesitate, jigger, even tremble upon nearing a region of such maddeningly warped-and-wefted spacetime foam-fabric. Erazmus had to rely on his intuitive Wit to roughly guesstimate at the metric field tensor in the throat's region at this distance...it shouldn't have been sufficient to affect Sailor's neuronics. But then again, Sailor's overall experience with such high-shear happenstances was arguably minimal at best.
Without warning, Sailor let loose a many-decibelled, guttural, caterwauling aauugh-arrh, in high tenor...that is, it could be conceivably quantified as such, if it was scripted in atonal notation, perhaps from the Bach recursive fugue school. A ripping, jarring ascent up through the Every Gargantuan Behemoth Deserveth Frugality scale (id est, E-G-B sharp-D-F, in the key of middle C, pianissimo fortuno, iteratively treble-cleffed along the Heisenberg dimension)...the notes, if scripted as fast as Sailor was issuing them, would look like a feisty rodent with sharpened toeclaws had attacked the empty music staff in a furying tantrum. Sailor was clearly unsettled. Erazmus instinctively gave a paternal tug on the web of wheatrope reins, eased bootheels into her scaly ribcage, 'Easy, Girl, please be calm, find your center now,' he crooned, attempting to soothe the Saurex. 'We only need be here a few more cycles, then all will be accomplished. We must discern the purpose of this...wayward anomaly..and report back to the Presbutyr Assembly on our findings. It's not mere parochial fame we seek, Girl, but understanding.' Erazmus tried his Empathy on the titan beast, and within ten-to-the-fifth seconds Sailor seemed to be pacified somewhat, lowering her head and gurgling peaceably.
'Now, Sailor Girl, stay still and let me concentrate, yes? I need only a few more tens of minutes to figure the Feynman tensor of this microregion, to at least five significant digits--' Erazmus closed his eyes, and settled into his crystalline-silent headspace, solid, unmoveable as a monolith of adamantium...inhale, exhale...then he sounded his Mantra of Mathematical Awakening to himself...There is an axiom, and within that a postulate, sub-Integral measures of novel Gaussian diffeomorphic nested slopes, converging on the Parallaxis, and such is the Great Praxis. Aumgn-Magna-Asymptotae--was it working? No, no, Eraz! Miscreant! Maintain dissipative equilibrium, an emergent attractor will come of its own volition, have ye faith! Falter not, else the goal will slip out of fair reach, and the Assembly will make short work of you, chuckling at you patronizingly from behind their hands--
No, he thought, it's of no use. I'll have to bring Girl closer to the entrance. The metric'll escape me otherwise. He tightened his wily, authoritative grip on the reins, gently coaxing Sailor further in, the swirling soap-film-like membrane keening at them both, its hypnotic patterns of rainbowy, roygbivved diffractions and chromatic aberrations seeming to breathe, roil, draw them in hungrily as they inchingly neared centimeter by centimeter, the membrane like a dreamy, living sheet spun by Arachindae Herself to bar mortals from treasure-tombs and sepulchres, a jealous skein powerfully repelling any and all who didn't harbor the Passcode. But the Einstein-Rosen anomaly hid something far less....and simultaneously, something far greater, beyond free unadulterated imagining; beyond frail, bone-and-tendon-strewn homonids to rightly discern without growing confused, then blank, then by gradual, unsuspected degrees finally cometh nigh to the macabre Madness of he who would deign to glimpse arcane, untouchable wonders intended only for the Ascended Masters. Sailor balked at Erazmus' murmurings and gentle goadings; her reptilian sub-brain was never hardwired for braving such unknownables...
[[cue theme music, Sean Conneryesque voiceover: "Tune in next time when Sailor sez: 'Man, dood, you got a light for this here bong or am I gonna hafta pull a chimera and, like, yanno, fire-pant on it my-goddamn-self?'"]]
TO BE CONTINUED---now critique! (--Ed.) | | Back to Top | | |
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VeeJay
Neophyte
Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 86
| Posted 6/12/2006 4:22 PM (GMT -5) | | Ee-Razz-Matazz my Jejune Jesuit! 'Kay, if I'm decoding you post-mortemly after-the-factly, are you suggesting that you look upon my Cantos with Dis-Favoure? Pray not! And as for shelling out free shillings to non-paying knaves, I thinketh I have it to burn, and I offer this missive as a free gift...I'm thinking about serializing this ditty on this here Foe-Roume for you all to hack-n-sack away at it and just have Funne. And I adored your last post-ness, by the bye; you have the Gift.
You'd rather I stop? Or can I con-tinn-you-ay?
__VeeJayEss, EeeEssCueStop (--VJS, Esq.) | | Back to Top | | |
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VeeJay
Neophyte
Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 86
| Posted 6/12/2006 5:22 PM (GMT -5) | | Have a gander, if yew dair, at mai noo threde.
Signed, The Semantomancer | | Back to Top | | |
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